


So Better Things Can Fall Together

by AgingPhangirl (Madophelia)



Series: Fic Every Day in June 2017 [7]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Break Up, Dan's relationships all end, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, but it happens off-screen, reference to sex, tiny bit of angst in the middle, top 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 09:13:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11124198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madophelia/pseuds/AgingPhangirl
Summary: Dan tells Phil his top 5 breakups of all time.OrThe five times Dan broke up with someone and the one time he didn't.





	So Better Things Can Fall Together

**Author's Note:**

> June 7 of my Fic Every Day in June 2017 project.
> 
> I wrote ‘break up fic’ on my list of ideas. I'm not really sure this was what I meant…
> 
>  
> 
> _‘Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together’ - Marilyn Monroe_
> 
>  
> 
> Send me prompts on [Tumblr](http://agingphangirl.tumblr.com) & [Twitter](http://twitter.com/agingfangirl)

“Hey Phil,” Dan says, sinking onto the couch with a strange look on his face. “Top five breakups. Go.”

“What?” Phil sets his laptop down and cocks his head at Dan's latest bout of madness. He's been acting strange for about a week and this is the most Phil has gotten out of him in that time so, while it's a bit weird, he's happy to go along with it.

“What would you say were your top five breakups? You know, the ones that really meant something?”

“Um,” Phil scratches the back of his neck. “I don't think I have five.” 

Dan's mouth twists into a little smile. “I do.”

-

**1.**

Dan hates break ups. They’re difficult no matter which side of it you are on, he insists, and yet he’s always on the same side. And it isn’t easy, he maintains, no matter how many times people tell him it is. 

Erin is first, and it’s mostly inevitable. She’s moving, he’s not. She wants to maintain it long distance and he doesn’t really see the point. It won’t work out, he tells himself, sitting around his house waiting for her to call, keeping their relationship going on the power of long distance Skype calls and train journeys alone. No, better he takes her aside, sat on the couch in her parents house, and lets her know how it won’t work out. 

Later that night he tells his best friend all about it with only a minimum of tears. 

“Are you sure?” Phil asks, ever the grown up, trying to lend some perspective on the situation. “Maybe you could make it work.” 

“No,” Dan shakes his head, pulling his sleeves down over his thumbs and setting his chin against this wrapped palms. “It’s not what I want, you know? Long distance doesn’t work.” 

“You’re probably right,” Phil says, with a sigh.

“Never mind,” Dan says shaking his head, “I refuse to be a sad sack, tell me about that new video idea.” 

And Phil does.

The memory of Erin hurts for a while but when he sees all the photos of her at university appear on Facebook he knows he’s made the right choice. His jealous tendencies wouldn’t have allowed it to continue for much longer anyway. It’s over, and that’s the way it should be.

-

“Erin is probably on your list, right?”

“You remember that?”

Phil shrugs. “I figure your first love should probably be on there.”

“She would be,” Dan hesitates and bites his lip, “It ended for a good reason though.”

“Of course,” Phil nods, “You don't do long distance relationships.

“No,” Dan corrects him, “I think I would have, for the right person. I mean… we were long distance friends after all.” He laughs, it's tinny, wrong sounding, not like his laugh at all. “I think it was just an excuse with Erin to be honest. It was bound to end because… well, I didn't have feelings for her anymore.”

Phil swallows around years of assumptions and knowledge about Dan suddenly caught in his throat. Erin hadn't been about the distance. He's not really sure what he should do with that information.

“Who's next?” he settles for asking.

-

**2.**

Charlotte is next. A university fling, meant to be something quick and frantic in his first year, casual, uncomplicated. She’s exciting, and way more into sex than Erin had been when he was younger. She’s a year older than him which is appealing at first but only leads to her bringing up words like ‘future’ and ‘plans’ more often than Dan would like. In the end, the only logical solution is for him to slow it down. Or better yet, end it completely. 

“She did not take it well,” Dan says later on Phil’s couch.

“No?”

“She shouted a lot. Not nice. But… it was for the best. I don’t want those things yet.” 

Phil tips his head backwards from his position on the floor, resting his head on the couch to look up at Dan. “No?”

“God no,” Dan laughs, “I barely know what I’m doing next year never mind after uni. Be a boring lawyer maybe. I just couldn’t picture her there, you know?” 

“You don’t know what you’re doing next year?” 

“Nope. Haven’t even applied to halls yet. Ugh. I should get on that.” 

Phil shrugs, shoulder brushing the couch. “We could always live together? If you need to find somewhere. I wouldn’t mind having a housemate again. You’re here all the time anyway.” 

“You sure?” Dan says. He’s not even looking at Phil, he’s concentrating on guiding his character on screen through a particularly tricky jumping puzzle. 

“Yeah.” 

“Alright,” he says, his character dying. “Your turn.”

He passes the controller to Phil, and doesn’t think about Charlotte again. 

-

“Charlotte was…”

“Too much?” Phil asks with a sympathetic nod. “You weren't ready for commitment and the like.”

“I don't know if that's exactly it,” Dan says his brow furrowed. “I think I just… well, me and you were enough routine you know? I was content with that. I didn't feel like I needed anything else yet. I mean, I moved in with you and didn't think twice.”

“That's… it's not quite the same.”

Dan shrugs again and sinks further down into the couch, stretching his legs out so that they brush against Phil's.

“I couldn't picture her, in the future. But… I can't picture it without you to be honest.”

Phil can't respond to that, as much as he wants to. He just can’t.

“Who is number three?”

-

**3.**

Admittedly, he could have been nicer to Ryan. They hook up a few times at university parties Dan attends to try and avoid how much he hates his course. After than Dan stores his number and it becomes a sort of regular thing. 

He doesn’t take him back to their flat, but he does go to Ryan’s a few nights a week. He always texts late, and leaves straight after. He doesn’t want to stay. Instead he comes home and, after a shower he feels compelled to take, he carries on playing video games with Phil, or ordering pizza.

It’s exploitative from Dan’s end. Confirmation of something he knows about himself, more affirming it with practical experience than it is an actual desire to commit to Ryan specifically. It isn’t fair, and he lets the hope linger in Ryan’s eyes for way longer than he should before he calls it off. 

Phil doesn’t ask about Ryan by name. Possibly because he doesn’t know it, Dan can’t remember if he ever mentioned it but he isn’t about to now, because it doesn’t matter anymore. 

“So… the guy thing.” Phil says. 

“Yes?” 

“Is that… a thing?” 

Dan smirks, he knows exactly what Phil is getting at but it really is funny watching him squirm. 

“Is what a thing?” he asks, innocently. 

“You… and um, boys.” 

Dan shrugs, reaching for the coffee cup at his elbow. “It’s not a _thing_ like, I’m not going to put some neat label on it. It just, is what it is. Sometimes.” 

“Sometimes?” 

“Yeah, when it strikes me. Isn’t that how it all works?” 

“Um, for me, the err… men are pretty much a constant thing. Yeah.” 

“Right,” Dan nods, “Except Sarah Michelle Geller.” 

Phil nods, “She was a part of my formative development, I could never abandon Sarah Michelle. No matter how gay I am.” 

“Well, there you go. Guys are a constant for you but you’re not attracted to every single one you meet.” 

Phil laughs slightly, “No, I’m not.” 

“Neither am I. So… not a _thing_.”

“You’re allowed to say bisexual,” Phil says, bringing out that older, worldly experience thing again like he thinks he knows better than Dan. 

It irks him, it really does, but only so much that he rolls his eyes fondly. “I’m _allowed_ I just don’t think it applies… or like, it’s stupid. All that label stuff. I just like who I like when I like them. The rest of it is all just people trying to hem you in to tiny little boxes.” 

“Like making perfectly innocent drama kids become sad lawyers?” Phil points out with far more insight than he should really be allowed. 

“Something like that,” Dan admits, and they leave it there. 

-

“You know I was never quite sure until Ryan.” Phil says, “About you liking men.”

Dan turns to look at him and fixes him with a hard stare. “You could have just asked. I'm half convinced I did it just to get the point across.”

“You could have just told me,” Phil counters. “Not that it matters. You're allowed to love who you want. Except, I don't think you loved Ryan. It never seemed like it.”

“Poor Ryan, I really should have been nicer. I didn't realise he liked me all that much and I was all… confused.”

“You're allowed to be,” he drops a hand to Dan's knee and squeezes, “We all were at one point. We all get our heart broken.”

“Even you?”

“Was I confused?” Phil asks, not moving his hand. “Yes. A long time ago. Did I get my heart broken by someone who was also confused? Yes. But I'm not sure he knew what he was doing and I never told him so… there is no one to blame but myself.”

“Phil…”

“Don't. Just… just tell me about the next one.”

-

**4.**

The thing with Abby is, it really should have worked. She was cool, just the right amount of nerdy to understand most of his references and she didn’t even mind when he played obscure music to her constantly and made her listen. It should have worked, if not for the timing. 

It’s a bad year. He’s dropped out, he’s wandering aimlessly and maybe he latched on to Abby as soon as they got to London because she’s the first person he met that didn’t look at him with disdain when he told them he makes videos on the internet for a living. She’d actually asked questions and seemed interested when he answered. 

She’s uncomplicated, happy to go along with everything and comfortable in her office job without ever asking for more. She has no grand plans, and a fairly relaxed attitude to her place and purpose in the wide expansive universe. Ultimately, it was doomed. 

He make a mess of it. Thinking too much, and sharing way too many of his frustrations about his hopes and plans for the future. He tries to explain how important it is for him to be an independent person, to stop relying on his parents, or god forbid Phil, to make himself a success. He wants something to call his own, his channel and his life, not joined to anyone at all. He’s never made any of his own decisions before so is it too much to ask that he be allowed to now? Why does the internet insist he be joined at the hip with his best friend, is he not sufficient by himself? 

His view of the world is distorted, for a bit, and Abby is mostly fine with everything until she isn’t. 

“You’re not happy,” Abby says to Dan who is laying face down on his mattress. 

“Of course I am, don’t be stupid.” 

She sighs. “I’m going to ignore that because you’re in a bad mood and you don’t really know what you’re saying right now. But no, you’re not happy.” 

“What on earth makes you think that?” Dan says, sitting up and trying to shake away the thick film of melancholy. 

“You think too much. And you certainly respond to too much. You told me, the YouTube thing was fun when you started, something you got into because Phil helped you.” 

Dan nods, but it’s a short gesture, less him conceding to her suggestion than it is a motion for her to continue it.

“So, just let it be that. Do the radio show, make as many videos together as you want. If it’s fun, do it, if it’s not then don’t. Even better, it’ll be fun and popular. Having a business partner doesn’t mean you don’t still get to feel a sense of accomplishment in what you’ve done. You’ll still be successful in your own right… you’ll just capitalise on that stupid amount of chemistry you guys have.” 

Dan marvels, she has a point and the whole thing seems to settle something in his chest, it feels lighter in a way that it hasn’t been in quite some time. 

“You need to just work out what you want,” Abby is saying, sinking down on the bed next to him. “But I don’t think it’s me.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Come on Dan, I’m not stupid. You’re not happy, and to be honest, I’m not either. This was nice… you’re nice… but you have a lot going on right now you shouldn’t really be committing to anything until you know what makes you happy.” She lays a hand across his as he turns to face her, “Tell me you’re happy and I’ll stay.” 

Dan can’t. 

“Then it’s over,” she shrugs, cool calm and collected as usual. 

In the end, Dan doesn’t break up with her, and she doesn't break up with him. It just ends, like it it’s supposed to. They hug at the door when they say goodbye. 

“That looked like a _goodbye_ goodbye.” Phil says, holding out a steaming cup of hot chocolate to him. Somehow he always knows what Dan needs. 

“It was.” 

“You alright?” 

Dan lets out a sigh and sips his drink. “About her? Weirdly, yes. But... “

“But?” 

They’re stood on the landing, it’s an odd spot to have the conversation, like they’re lingering in no man's land. But it’s fitting, Dan thinks, with how he’s been acting. 

“I’ve been a dick lately.” 

“Yes.” 

Dan looks up and glares at him, “Hey! You’re supposed to say ‘no Dan, you haven’t’”

Phil shrugs, cradling his own cup close, “Why would I lie? You have been a dick. Even the fans have noticed.” 

“Well… things are going to get better,” he promises.

“Looking forward to it.”

Phil moves to hug him. It’s awkward as they’re both holding their hot mugs out of the way so it’s one-armed on either side. But it’s nice, it feels familiar even if they don’t do it that often. 

“Do I have Abby to thank for this?” Phil asks when they part. 

“Sort of,” Dan nods, “She… I guess I broke up with her because I wasn’t happy. And I was being a dick because I wasn’t happy. But I wasn’t being a dick because of Abby. Does that make sense?” 

Phil tips his head to the side slightly, “I mean, yes? Kind of. Don’t worry about it. But you know… if you’re not happy you can always talk to me.” 

“I know,” Dan nods, “Being with Abby isn’t going to fix it, and being a dick isn’t going to fix it.” 

“What would, Dan? What would make you happy?” 

“I’m not sure yet,” he confesses, “But I’ll figure it out.”

-

“Did you ever figure it out?” 

“I…” Dan sits up, shuffles closer. Phil’s hand doesn't leave his leg, even when he bends his knee to face him. “Phil.”

“Don't.” Phil's voice sounds almost pleading, his voice cracks in his throat and it's barely above a whisper. “Not now. It’s not fair. Not when--Ewan…”

Dan leans closer, sliding his hand on top of Phil's on his leg, slotting their fingers together. He hopes he's reading this right but Phil doesn't pull away.

“Which brings me to number 5.”

-

**5.**

Ewan is a fucking nightmare from start to finish. Dan really should have known better but Ewan is part of his new ‘I’m comfortable with who I am’ phase and frankly, he should have ended it a lot sooner than he did. His determination is more to do with making the _concept_ of Ewan work, rather than the person himself. Which is stupid. On so many levels.

To be fair it lasts all of 3 months. Which is about 2 and a half more months than it should have. 

He doesn’t take to Phil at all. And Dan should have seen the warning signs when it appears his usually chatty and friendly best friend doesn’t seem to take to Ewan either. 

They seem to be at constant odds, battling for Dan’s time and attention and Dan knows he veers towards Phil more often than he should. It’s easy with Phil, and he doesn’t get that strange exhausted feeling he gets when interacting with other people. It’s like Phil doesn’t count, as a separate entity, he’s just… _Phil_.

Ewan, on the other hand, is exhausting. He gets jealous and irritable. He texts constantly and reacts irrationally paranoid if Dan doesn’t text back straight away. Dan knows it isn’t going to work, but it takes until he outright accused Dan of sleeping with Phil until he finally snaps. 

“I am not sleeping with Phil!” He yells incredulously. 

Ewan is leaning against the banister in the stairwell down from his apartment. They’ve made their way here because 15 minutes after Dan had arrived, having cut short a game of Mario Kart with Phil to come over he might add, Ewan had started in on him about a new supposed slight. Somehow that devolved into them screaming at each other in a stairwell and Ewan accusing him of fucking Phil. 

“The very fact that you think that shows you pay little to no attention. Phil wouldn’t even want me!” 

Whoa. Dan even has to stop himself with that one because it just came out. What the hell is he even saying? He’d meant to say he doesn’t feel that way about Phil, because he doesn’t. Right?

“You’re the one not paying attention,” Ewan spits, throwing up his hands. “Anyone can see Phil is obsessed with you. He won't let you get close to anyone else.”

While he is patently wrong, the suggestion makes Dan's heart leap in his chest. Obviously Phil doesn't care who he dates and he hasn't had a problem with Dan dating anyone ever. He doesn't like Ewan, but then Dan is beginning to agree with him on that one. But Phil _liking_ Dan, in a way that isn't just friends? Dan isn't sure why but the thought makes him fluttery and terrified.

There is more shouting, it echoes in the concrete room and Dan is pretty tired once it's all over. And it is over. He'd told Ewan that regardless of any fantastical notions he's cooked up about Phil, which are decidedly wrong, Dan doesn't want to be with him anyway. There is the usual pleading on Ewan’s part but by the time Dan leaves it’s well and truly over and that's really the best outcome he could have hoped for. 

So now he’s single again. Alone. But now he has that distracting stray thought about Phil going round and round in his head and try as he might, it doesn't go away.

Finally, he has to do something. He can't live with the constant thought of Phil and what might be. Especially that nagging sense of hope that it might be returned. One day, he just does it. He finds Phil in the lounge, hunched over his laptop, sits himself down beside him and asks him. 

“Top five breakups. Go.”

-

“You broke up with Ewan.”

“I did.”

“You broke up with Ewan last week!”

“Yes.”

“And you didn't tell me,” Phil's hand is squeezing tight on Dan's and he drags him closer.

“I didn't think it would make a difference. I convinced myself it wouldn't make a difference...”

“You're an idiot.”

Phil surges forward, kissing Dan firmly, knocking him off balance. 

Dan doesn't let the kiss break, instead he clings to Phil's shirt, holding him close. He's surprised at first, at how deeply he's being kissed, how thoroughly Phil already seems to know what he needs. But he remembers that this is Phil, this is the one person that never left, that he's never been confused about. It's always been easy, and this is too.

They have to break for air eventually, Dan flat on his back, Phil settled on top of him, crowding him back against the arm of the chair. Their mouths part, panting and wet, but Phil can't stop touching him. He's running his hands over Dan's sides, his shoulders, as if he can't believe this is all happening finally. 

“I thought…” Phil starts, trailing off to press another kiss to Dan's mouth. “I didn't know. I don't have a top five, no breakups have ever mattered. Only you.”

Dan moans slightly as Phil drags his lips down across his jaw to ghost over his neck. “Me?”

“Always,” Phil nods onto Dan’s collarbone, “Always you.”

“You’re the idiot then,” Dan admonishes, giggling slightly as Phil's hair tickles his shoulder. “Why didn't you say anything?” 

Phil pulls back to look at him. “Are you kidding me?”

“What?”

“You didn't want to do distance with Erin, who was only going to London, and I was 300 miles away.”

“I would have done if for you,” Dan says, reaching out a hand to curl around Phil’s hip.

“But I didn't know that,” Phil insists, shaking his head. “And then when you did move you had another girlfriend and then that ended because you didn't want anything permanent. And we were already permanent, or it felt like we were. I couldn't risk ruining that because I knew it couldn't be temporary Dan. It can't be temporary with you. You know that right?”

“It isn't. It won't be. It isn't. I don't want temporary this is … it's it for me. It has been for a while. I think that's why nothing else works.” He slides his other hand around the nape of Phil's neck and pulls him close, kisses him deep and lingering. 

“I didn't even know if you liked guys until bloody Ryan!” Phil laughs, pulling away, “I was just resting my stupid pining on a straight guy as far as I knew.”

“It took me a while,” Dan admits, running his fingers through the back of Phil's hair absently and sending shivers down Phil’s spine. “Ryan was more of… confirmation. For what I kind of already felt for you. I think. I didn't know that at the time. I didn't know if it was a one off… if you were an exception.”

“You're allowed to be confused.”

“But I hurt you, whether I knew it or not.” Dan feels his cheeks flame and he tries to hide his face.

“Hey,” Phil encourages with a gentle hand on his cheek, “Knowing you did like guys but still didn't want me? Yeah that kind of stung, but I hadn't said anything so…”

“And then Abby.”

Phil nods, and he knows they're talking not only about Abby specifically, but that whole time when Dan was raging against everything, lashing out at the internet, at himself, at Phil. 

“I… I've got nothing.”

“We said it all then.” Phil shrugs, “I was more surprised it didn't work out with her to be honest. You seemed like a good match.”

“I think she knew,” Dan says, his voice an incredulous whisper as if he's just working it out, “I think she knew that I… that you were what makes me happy. It just took me a while to work that out. And you do, Phil. You make me happy.”

Phil kisses him again, sliding his tongue across Dan’s bottom lip and making a rumbling noise when Dan parts his lips to allow him entrance.

He's pressed flush against Dan, their legs tangled together, hips aligned so that he can feel how worked up they are both getting. Especially when Dan curves his fingers in Phil's hair, tugged slightly and Phil ruts his hips forward without thinking. 

“You make me happy too,” he pants and then groans as Dan thrusts back up into him, feeling the hardness of him solidly against his own.

“I can see that,” Dan chuckles.

“Ugh, shut up.” Phil tries moving away from Dans fond teasing but Dan keeps his arms locked where he's gripping onto Phil, not allowing him to move.

“Sorry, sorry.” Dan smiles, kissing the end of his nose. “I’m just... “

“Yeah,” Phil says, “Me too.”

“You want to take this elsewhere?”

“I'd follow you anywhere,” Phil mocks, “I'm all yours.”

Dan pauses as they raise from the couch, capturing Phil's hand in his own. “I'm yours too you know.”

Phil leans forward to kiss him, quick, firm, once, twice. “Good.”

They stay hand in hand as they make their way to a bedroom, which one doesn't really matter. 

-

**+1**

They don't stop touching until the next morning when Phil rolls away from Dan’s wandering hands reluctantly, the call of nature and a stomach rumbling for breakfast.

“Get up,” he says swatting at Dan.

“No.. M’sleeping,” Dan groans into his pillow, clutching the duvet closer around his shoulders now Phil’s warmth has been removed. 

“I'll make you pancakes if you get up.” Phil offers.

Dan smiles into the soft cotton and makes his way out of bed. This is it. This is the moment when he knows that he’ll never let this go.

It's not much different, he thinks, than life before. Except now he knows his list stops at five, Phil will never make it six. Phil catches his eyes as he drags a shirt on over his head and Dan smiles at him, delirious with the idea of forever.


End file.
